Stuck in Survival

Ideally we live our lives in Safe & Social mode- able to take risks and be resilient. This is where connection, problem solving and growth happen.

And then we dip into Flight or Fight mode as needed if we perceive danger and need to mobilize. 

Additionally, Polyvagal Theory states that there is a 3rd mode of survival……

If we can’t run away or we can’t stay and fight then we go into shut down mode. 

However, humans are not designed to stay in these survival modes - it is detrimental to our emotional and physical health to hang out in flight or fight or shut down long term.

So what do you do if you find yourself Stuck in Survival? How do we deal with the feelings of overwhelm, unease and uncertainty that seem to keep us from climbing back to safe and social mode? 

First of all ( and file this one under much easier said than done) Accept what you are feeling- know that it is your body trying to keep you safe. 

Breathe- do not underestimate the power of controlled breathing. Try to make your exhale longer than your inhale breath. The exhale turns on our parasympathetic nervous system and gets us back to Safe & Social. And think of breathing as a practice- practice making your exhale longer when you already feel calm- this will help you to rely on controlled breathing when you really need it most. 

Movement- exercise, play, dance- just get the energy moving - especially if you feel like you are in flight or fight mode- you have to let that energy out - give it a space to move through you. We've all heard the expression just walk it off- well it works for helping you climb out of survival- even a short walk around the block can do wonders. 

Social Connection- we are wired to co-regulate through others. So during this time of physical distancing it is so important that we connect with eachother over Video calls & Facetime- turn on your camera and get comfortable looking people in the eyes over video. 

Soothing Self Talk- try a little Tender Talk - talk to yourself sweetly and gently. Cut yourself some slack. Things are tough right now and you don’t have to have it all together all the time. 

Find the Present Moment- allow yourself to realize that in this very moment if you are reading this most likely you are ok, in this moment all is well and in this moment you can find peace. 

And most importantly allow yourself to feel however you feel- some days you might just be stuck in shut down and thats okay. Just feel your feelings and then do whatever you need to do (as long as its loving to yourself) to get back to where you can face the day again. 

And always alway make the decision to be kind and gentle with yourself.