Whatever you put your attention on and give your energy to, persists in your life. And when you constantly talk and think about a negative situation- the negative situation endures. 

So when we complain about something we don’t like - we become an active participant in maintaining it in our lives.  

And yes, there is plenty out there to complain about -being human is messy, life is sometimes challenging and we all struggle with mild frustrations and major disappointments. 

However, if we want to create a better life for ourselves, we have to watch where our focus goes. 

Research in positive psychology has shown that we are far less likely to see a possibility or a solution to a problem if we are focused solely on the negative. The negative situation actually persists because of our attention to it. 

When we complain, we maintain. 

So we must learn to focus away from the problem to move past it. This doesn’t mean we have to deny our current reality. We just need to be aware that focusing on the solution will allow us to see beyond the negative event. 

Often it is easier to see this “complaining and maintaining” behavior in someone else. We all know someone who constantly focuses on everything that is going wrong or could go wrong in their lives. 

But ask yourself, is that person who is complaining also thriving in their life? Are they happy? Are they fulfilled? 

You just can’t live a positive life and be focused on the negative. 

So don’t give in to gossip- don’t get pulled into tragedy talk or an “isn’t it awful” conversation. You can walk away- you can choose to hang higher. 

And if your are the one you who is complaining and maintaining (we have all been there), just keep paying attention to where your focus is- are you dwelling on disaster?  Are you relishing the rotten? Are you noticing the negative? 

We get to choose what we think about and what we talk about. So we might as well focus on what we want in life. 

Shifting your focus positive is big work- one that brings up old patterns and beliefs and has us battling our innate negativity bias. 

So please be kind and gentle with yourself as you learn to stop complaining and stop maintaining!