How are you?  

Most of us struggle to answer that question authentically. There is darkness and despair in the world. And there is also Joy. We are feeling a lot of emotions these days and it can be difficult to answer with the expected typical “I’m fine, thank you”. 

And thats okay. We are human. We are complex emotional beings. We can hold two seemingly opposite feelings at the same time. 

You can be Both, And. 

You can be Both wonderstruck at the beauty of the full moon on a clear crisp fall evening And extremely anxious about the future. 

You can be Both Heartbroken And Hopeful.

You can be Both Overwhelmed And Optimistic.

You can be Both Despondent And Delighted.

You can be Both Happy And Sad.  At the same time. 

Those of us who have suffered the loss of a loved one have most likely experienced the jumble of conflicting emotions the first time we smiled or laughed after their passing. How could we be happy in the midst of so much sadness?  

It is because we have the amazing ability to hold Both/And feelings. 

We can feel Both grief And joy. One emotion does not replace the other- Joy can exist right alongside the Suffering. 

We are human. We are emotional beings. And our mix of feelings is messy sometimes- we are not one thing. 

Learn to embrace the Both/And. Allow yourself to feel it ALL. 

And the next time you struggle to find an answer to the “How are you?” question, you might try some version of “I am Both Falling apart And just Fine, thank you”.

And then ask them about their Both/Ands. Listen and feel with them. Allow them the space to be vulnerable as they sort through their emotions. 

And remember to be kind and gentle with yourself as you discover your Both/Ands. The uncovering and allowing of all of our feelings is big work. 

It is the work that needs to be done to heal ourselves and heal our world.